The entirety of yesterday was an intense experience. Having such little sleep and an over abundance of caffeine seemed to spark a lot of something in my brain.
Writing about my anxiety demon to the point of clarity was physically exhausting, but as I’m prone to do, my head chewed on it all damn day. It took a few beers and a solid hamburger to shut off my head and allow for some sleep. Granted, I passed out around 8p and woke up around 1:30a (and have been up since), but the rest was good.
I laid there in bed this morning, knowing that I needed to take full advantage of this time while Ray is out of town. It’s Thom-time, and as a step in a better direction, I took off on a short run. My right knee has been bothersome for a few weeks now, aggravated after a long run I did, and I had to wait for it to heal. Today, it felt good enough, and the few miles I did were good on me.
Writing and running seem to be my tools to find a path forward. I knew this already, but somehow lost my way over the last six months or so. I don’t blame Ray for this - it is me who has shoved aside my own journey to lay the foundation for what he and I have.
Still, in order to be the man I am supposed to be, and to fully experience all of the changes and growth in my life, I need to have more time for me, dedicated to my self-improvement. I know he will back me up on this, and even go so far as to perhaps undertake his own exploration into self and future.
I thank my friend Amanda for underlining all of this yesterday for me. She has no idea the goodness she brings into my life.