I have begun writing one of the three essays I’m preparing to do while Ray is gone overseas. I got his permission to write this one because it includes him and some of the details of his life that might not be glorious or pleasant to see on the page. It will include, and already does, some of my own ickiness.
The slant: two guys trying to negotiate a very present-tense relationship while trying to manage the ghosts of their individual pasts that keep cropping up between them.
I think it’s part of every relationship, gay or straight, and I wanted to speak to the universality of it. I wanted to call out this silly process that he and I are engaged in as we find our next step, our next move forward.
When it’s done, I plan on sharing it here, with the hopes for some feedback.
Exterminator John Birkett found the bed in a house in Winchester, England, in a spare room that had not been entered for several months. The crocheted blanket was saved.
Walking to the MAX, on my way to work, I have seen two couples sharing deep kisses and getting handsy. It would appear that they’ve both spent the night awake with each other, enjoying intimacy at the tail end of summer. Bleary smirks emanated from both couples as they watched me pass by; a look of devilish satisfaction and achievement washed over all of their faces, and silent, tacit nods from me and them.
Cheers to both couples, I say. :)
I talk too much about the state of things with Ray and I on here, and for that I’m kind of sorry. I get that it might seem that I’m obsessed, caught up in it all, and perhaps losing myself in this thing that he and I are building.
The truth is, I’ve never experienced anything quite like this before, and here, seven months in, it still feels so unreal to me. I still find myself standing, mouth agape, and shaking my head, wondering where this man has come from, and why he’s sharing space in his life with me.
If I’ve got anything further to share about the state of things with him, it is that communication - honest, brave, bold communication - is the bedrock of what is so damn good between him and I.
We both reiterated that to each other over the last two days, and it has made the world of difference to me (especially with his upcoming trip). It’s something that my parents could not manage. Nor was it such a significant factor in my prior relationships. I always just did as I was told and kept my mouth shut.
I had no idea how fulfilling being my bold, honest self at every turn could feel. Neither did he.
I’m still learning here, though, and have a lot more to learn as I go. So does he. Which means, basically, that I’m not done sharing this experience either. I’d even suggest grabbing a chair and some popcorn. I think this is gonna be a really, really great journey.
There are few things a toe-curling orgasm can’t fix.
I brewed coffee and am strolling in the morning sun.
I promised I would let him get a much-deserved rest.